As children, we often dream about all the things we’d be able to do once we grow up. But along the way, we lose that spirit and mindset of a dreamer. In today’s corporate, capitalist-driven hustle culture, I call it the death of detail, the loss of beauty and uniqueness for the sake of conformity and efficiency.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to fit arbitrary, societal timelines and milestones and I'm happy to tell you to not worry about them. Be the adult that the childhood version of you dreamed about being. Worry about your own life and your own happiness.
The trouble with that is often, we don’t know what our own happiness means once we peel away society’s idea of “adulthood”. For me, it was right after graduating from college and simultaneously ending a relationship that I found myself at a crossroads about the kind of life I wanted to lead. At 22 years old, it felt like a huge decision and whatever path I went down was one I was committing to (I’m very dramatic in that way… I’m a Leo).
Of course, I know now that life is not a singular road but a series of twists and turns with varying destinations. I was able to learn this lesson because ultimately, the road I chose was one that had a domino effect of transforming me into who I am nearly ten years later. And it’s because at that crossroads, I chose to take the “less traditional” route and opted to romanticize my life instead. To try and make my fanciful dreams my actual reality.
But what does romanticizing your life mean?
- Finding and creating moments, even little ones, that make your day feel beautiful and meaningful. It is an intentional practice of appreciation and allowing the mundane to be magical
- Harnessing main character energy to know that you deserve the life of your dreams and acting on these desires. Call it ‘faking it until you make it’ or ‘dressing for the part’, it is the elevation of your every day until your manifestations are realized
- Befriending and falling in love with yourself. Instead of living to please the world around you, you should be pleasure hunting for your specific brand of joy
22-year old me chose a life of independence, freedom, and adventure instead of being a hometown girl. It’s manifested itself in a near-decade of travel so far, with no end in sight. A decade to be brave and confident and allow room for change with each trip under my belt. Instead of a drab world full of the ordinary, I’ve chosen to alchemize and create a vibrant, unique, colorful story with my life.
Travel, and specifically solo travel, can allow for the greatest act of romanticizing your life. The act of traveling is a journey— physical, emotional, and spiritual— that can lead to self-discovery at the deepest level. Solo travel can be scary because without the crutch of another person with you, you really have only yourself to hold accountable for the experience you have.
It requires your truest self. It is exhausting, if not impossible, to meaningfully interact with the world around you unless you know yourself well. And solitude, especially in a new location or environment… it forces you to deal with the realities of who you are, what you like, and what you want. There are no distractions or excuses to hide behind. It requires absolute trust in yourself. But done with true intentions, it can transform you in the best way and quite literally, open up the world for you. It can lead you to that sweet place of realization… that you are living the life you love and always dreamed of.
Having recently come back from a solo trip to the Scottish Highlands, I was able to feel a deep connection to the land that I don’t know I would’ve been able to feel if I had someone with me. It can be an intimate thing to allow yourself to be so vulnerable. I didn’t have to compromise on things I wanted to do for the sake of someone else’s enjoyment and as a notorious people-pleaser, that alone was a huge sense of relief. Even if I logically know any travel partner(s) wouldn’t care, it’s just one less bit of mental strain on me to not have to account for someone else. And I think it’s due to this freedom that I was able to experience the Highlands in an authentic way.
So many people write off solo traveling as being “scary” or “hard to accomplish” due to cost, safety, or the limiting belief that experiences of travel are best experienced when shared.
If you plan wisely, cost or safety really aren’t an issue. It requires simple common sense.
And as for experiences that aren’t meant for solo people… what can’t be done solo vs. with someone else? I can go hiking alone, I can eat in a restaurant alone, I can go to the beach alone, I can visit a palace alone. There is literally no requirement for anyone else.
It comes back to the idea of one person not being worthy of this amazing experience. It’s as if we decided that we can only access these unique experiences if we’re in love with someone else. It’s an imaginary rule originating from a place of lack and not valuing self-love as much as romantic love.
The universe has so much to give to you as long as you’re brave enough to accept it and learn from each gift. Stay in the nicer suite, book the adventure, and see the world for yourself. You might find that every moment feels more special because it’s wholly unique to you and your lived experience.
You’re building a solid foundation of love for yourself because you’re able to answer the questions: “What is it that I love? What brings me joy? And what is my purpose?”
Once you’ve answered those questions, you’d be amazed to see how your life becomes more expansive and fulfilled. And any romantic love that comes along later will simply be a welcome addition to your foundation of self-love because you’ve already built a life that feels good for you.
Listen to Episode 10: Pleasure Hunting to hear more.
