Everyone says your 30's is your best decade. You're supposed to know yourself more than when you were in your 20's. You're supposed to have settled (in career, friendships, financially).
That can be true, and personally, I think it is to an extent. But the most poignant lesson is that you will still have lessons. I had hoped to provide a 2024 reflection article that was inspirational and motivational — but still poignant!
And then I had the most unexpected news come to me the weekend before Christmas and my biggest lesson and reflection came from a most dreaded teacher... grief
This is not going to be a storytime, this is not going to be tea because truthfully that story is not wholly mine to tell. But what I do feel is mine to share is what this experience has taught me in less than a week (at the time of writing this). Busy Gal was imagined as being a lighthearted space to only tell silly travel stories but in the last year it’s evolved to so much more. Yes, we share the light and laughter of travel but I’ve ended up sharing really vulnerable reflections and stories — through which travel has been a conduit for self-reflection, an escape, or a method of healing.
So it felt like this is something I had to mention because at the heart of it all— what are we all here for if not for a chance to just listen to each other’s stories. Period.
I found out that someone I was friends with in undergraduate had died unexpectedly. When you receive news like that, your whole system kind of goes into shock and everything stops like a record scratch. And at the same time, your whole system gets flooded with every emotion imaginable.
Shock, sadness, disbelief (honestly, a part of me still waiting for someone to tell me it was a horrible, horrible misunderstanding and a huge miscommunication). And what I feel most profoundly now is regret.
I hadn’t spoken to this person in nearly 10 years. Our last year of school together was simultaneously our closest but also the one where we drifted apart immensely by graduation. I didn’t even have them on social media post-graduation because we both made the choice to actively unfollow each other as well.
So when a few people reached out saying that they thought I might want to know, I realized I did want to know. Despite a decade of disconnect, I felt so much at the moment.
I’ve talked a lot about how I’m trying to enter my soft era. Softness towards myself mostly, but this was a moment where I realized I have to allow softness for others if they mess up, too. This boundary I set in my early 20’s… probably could’ve gotten a gate or door a few years ago. I’d actually met up with someone from school a few years ago who mentioned that he met up with said friend and that he asked after me. My pride, my hurt, my sense of self-preservation— whatever it is— it stopped me from using that as an opportunity to to reach out.
And in the last few days, I’ve done what I think anyone would do— I dove back in. I looked through old photos, messages, and I saw so many messages that showed how good our friendship was when it was good. How much he cared. The real gut punch was a 3am conversation we had over facebook messenger where he told me to sleep because he knew I was pulling an all-nighter and i told him he needs to do the same otherwise he’d get burned out too.
He said “Don’t worry, dear, I won’t have to worry about that til i’m 45”
He made it to 31. And all of that grief and regret absolutely flooded me. It’s still running through my system. But oh how nice it was to see the silliness, the love, the light in our friendship.
And in this pivotal time of slowing down, reflecting, and re-evaluating, this experience has opened my eyes to truly prioritize what matters. So 2025… i’m declaring that it is my year of success, strength, and most importantly softness. Softness in all of its endeavors.
It sounds so corny and you think it’ll never apply to you when you hear it in the movies or in books, but be corny, be authentic, tell your people that you love them. Because you never really know what could happen.
Softness doesn’t equate to not being strong, resilient, or reliable. Softness is the strength in not allowing the tough things in life toughen you as well.
Let’s get into it— I’m still reflecting on this past year and manifesting my 2025 but I have a more poignant outlook in how I’m setting up rituals for manifestation and growth in the new year and beyond.
REFLECTING AND LETTING GO
A lot of negative emotions are truly invitations to grow. Fear, anger, regret. They suck but they’re necessary. I tend to keep looking forward and never look back. So for 2025, one of the first things I want to be intentional about is having a ritual of reflection and release.
I should also clarify that “ritual” may seem woo woo to a lot of folks out there. But everyone has rituals. From the mundane e.g. your coffee in the morning to the formal e.g. a wedding.
I like the using the word ritual to add weight, add meaning. To give an action a sense of purpose so that I can justify that it is worth my time. I often measure so many things (activities, people, dreams) in terms of efficiency and value. It’s not great, but I know that this is how I can best hold myself accountable to doing them.
A 2024 goal that I didn’t put my heart and soul into is writing. I started off strong (don’t we all) but then… I just stopped. So now I’m making it a 2025 ritual. Starting with this entry, I’m going to start a monthly journal-esque entry on the Busy Gal blog. About what sucked, what was amazing. About life. And how I can make the next month better.
It makes for a more present way of living to force yourself to pause, look back, and make a more informed decision about which way to go. I’m letting myself soften a bit to acknowledge what I’ve been through, knowing, I can still move forward. I’m looking in the rearview mirror instead of driving on autopilot.
Writing or journaling may not be your ritual. A therapy session, something written on a scrap of paper and burned via candle all works. What matters is the intention to take time and reflect and release any negative feeling or emotion, however that looks to you.
In this digital age where so much is in our heads or on a screen, a physical act of writing or talking feels like a more grounded release and can help you release emotionally and mentally, making room for what comes next.
LOOKING BACK
So looking back, what am I releasing?
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I’m letting go of a lot of self-doubt. So much of what caused me stress or anxiety in 2024 came from my self. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect to get it right the first time to be what everyone expects of me. To be on 24/7
- So much of what I thought was going to go sideways or wasn’t good enough… ended up being exactly what was needed— projects or outputs at work, even Busy Gal. There were times I actively avoided editing an episode for days because I though the recording session didn’t go well and as I edited… it was fine.
- I saw a lot on social media this year about how we tell ourselves “start later, start when the timing is right, start when XYZ", but the most important thing to do is just start. So i’m releasing any self-doubt and perfectionism that doesn’t allow me to start
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I’m releasing the urge to say yes to everything. I say yes to everything partially from a sense of wanting to try something but to be honest it also comes from a bit of a scarcity mindset where I worry an opportunity will never present itself. This one is a little trickier because I don’t want to be someone who never says yes, but I need to learn how to treat my time as valuable in a quality vs quantity way
- I have to trust in myself and my abundance that if my gut is telling me I cannot fully, wholly devote myself to something because it doesn’t serve me, because I need rest, that something that is meant for me will come when the time is right
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I’m releasing a lot of my ego. But not allowing myself to be self-deprecating. With grief and regret, I look back at how often I tell people “I don’t care” or I’m happy to cut them off. Boundaries are one thing. Allowance for humanity is another. I deeply, deeply regret being so harsh in my avoidance with some people and now I will never get the chance to reconcile and this is probably the deepest lesson I’ll learn in a while.
- As someone who is hyperindependent with a lot of issues with trusting others and being vulnerable, my instinct is to build a wall and remain unbothered. But what I’ve experienced in the last week has shown me, I’m bothered, I’m hurt, I’m cut to the core by the relationships and connections I have with people. And even by trying to protect myself with my walls… I still get hurt so what’s the point of these walls?
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I’m releasing the shame of needing more help to be financially literate. I think this is a stigma that impacts a lot of people who are or are raised by immigrants. My parents have been struggling with retirement and taxes and not understanding what withdrawals and capital gains and all of that means. I don’t know what it means. I started a small business and had to learn about quarterly tax returns and tax write offs.
- I had a numerology reading over the summer that encouraged learning and not being embarrassed to increase my financial literacy and I wish I had done that sooner. I’m going to in 2025 but I need to release the shame of needing to ask for help if I want to become more abundant personally, in my business, etc.
- I’m sure there’s so much more but I think any other thing I think of right now would fall into that type of bucket so essentially having journaled this out to release it, after this recording, I will take a few scraps of paper and write these larger themes onto them and burn them using a Busy Gal candle haha
Moving onto my manifestations for 2025… I think I’ve alluded to them in my releases. You often have to release to let something in so in releasing my pride, my need for perfectionism, I’m allowing more understanding, creativity, learning.
HONESTY AND INTENTION
I think “intention” has been a buzzword for 2024 but does anyone really know what that means?
Manifestation’s been another big one, at that, and we’ve talked about how manifestation can get misconstrued and what my big tips for manifestation are (episodes 7 and 11).
But like I said at the top of the episode, so much of how I’m looking towards 2025 is probably through the clearest glass yet, especially after… I don’t know if I’d call what I’m going through a tower moment… but my library has been rumbled. That sounds dirty, but that’s what my spiritual advisor said in my latest reiki/askashic record clearing.
Intention is rooted in honesty. Your goals and intentions for the new year… you have to be honest about them. Is this what you really want? Why do you want this? How does this serve you and your joy and your purpose?
If you can answer these questions honestly and have the courage and confidence to go after your goals, congratulations, you’ve found your 2025 manifestations.
This space is about you and your dreams and goals. Don’t think “my mother doesn’t believe in this” or “everyone will think this is cringe”. It’s your life. If this manifestation will truly bring you to a higher version of yourself (emotionally, physically, spiritually), then just go for it.
Here are 5 broad goals I have for 2025 and why they will bring me to what I think is my higher self:
1. Be content with your career.
This for me has so many facets. In the last 2 years, my value has become so tangled up with my job and my perception of my value at work. I’ve really lost sight of what I’m actually doing and if it makes me happy.
But then… I realized, does my job have to make me happy? Or can I learn to just let it be what helps me live my real life outside of that 9-5. Of course, I don’t mean tolerating a toxic workplace but I think it’s a moment to step back and separate “This is what I do for my livelihood… this is what I do to live. Busy Gal is what I do to feel joy and purpose. My day job… is my day job. And I’m manifesting that I either
- Am able to combine my livelihood with what I do to live
- Find or create a work environment that lets me have healthy separatetion and without pressure
- Overall be able to feel accomplishment and pride, not anxiety or fear about the work I do
2. Be more human
This is so broad but like I mentioned, I have walls. I listen… and I judge. So i’m going to be more open to the humanity of life, the shades of personality that a single person can display. I’m not going to tolerate disrespect or cruelty but I’m going to be more forgiving both to others and myself
I’m going to say yes to more social opportunities that make me uncomfortable— go to parties where I only know one other person, solo travel but interact with other solo travelers more, see a movie or go to an event I don’t think I’ll like, just to try it
3. Put myself first
This one feels more tangible and travel-based but my 2024 travel plans, while amazing, were not what I wanted because I let other people dictate or change them around. So 2025 is the year I finally hit my big trips that I’ve been dreaming and manifesting: Turkey, Switzerland, at least 3 national parks, 2 of which being Glacier and Yosemite, third to be decided, and another return to Scotland. I let plans go by the wayside because other friend who wanted to come couldn’t and I felt like I couldn’t go without them because we originally planned to do it together or because I made room for someone else’s plans (e.g. my mother.. For my birthday trip)
So 2025, I don’t care if the plan isn’t the original plan, I’m holding myself accountable to these 3 big trips.
HOW AM I GOING TO MANIFEST THESE
I’ve talked about it in previous episodes, but I’ve but unintentionally manifesting so many of my travels via my phone homescreen, lockscreen, widgets. So I’m going to refresh that.
As a reminder, vision boards or other visual stimuli— even verbal affirmations (telling yourself “I’m going to Turkiye in August")— can help you stay motivated and focused on your goals. Visual stimuli can prime your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, which can lead to increased attention to goal-relevant opportunities. See my Reel below for how I created my 2025 Vision Board:
My friends and I are also held a vision board session in early January so it’ll be nice to have a physical as well as digital vision board. I’ve also been feeling more drawn to art in my every day life— whether supporting digital art, buying physical art pieces to put up in my spaces, and I think there’s something in me that’s calling to the idea of having tangible physical objects to admire and focus with.
So far for the first month of January, I've been kinder to myself and balancing rest with productivity and prioritizing art and joy. I'm continuing to feel waves of grief but I'm not feeling bad for feeling human.
Most importantly and (excitingly for me), I've found a fabulous therapist that allows me to feel heard and supported but holds me accountable. I feel an overall increased sense of self-awareness and grace.
For February, I'm going on my first trip since October and I'm looking forward to it and feeling closer to myself as I get into travel mode.
It's a reminder that grief and gratitude can co-exist at the same time and the importance of mindset. That even through a dark cloud, there can be rays of light that pass through.
